Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
