i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
