you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
