Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
