Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
