I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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