Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I love you. Go after that dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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