If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
