Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drake has all the answers
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
