I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize