Quick, to the slutcave!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
