i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize