bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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