Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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