I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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