We're facebook friends in real life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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