Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
