I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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