we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
