She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
