is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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