fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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