i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
