I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Randomize
