Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hippo gnu deer
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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