Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
