im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
