if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
