So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
