I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
