new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
