I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize