He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
