That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
