When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
