Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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