Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
