How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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