I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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