Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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