Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
