my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
