it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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