I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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