dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
