i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
