When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
