its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
