Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
