Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
