Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
