i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
