i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
