i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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