so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
