I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
