Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
